by Nelia

I am an addict

So we have a refrigerator out in the shop (thank you Ramona and Joseph).  The reason was so Luke could have his cokes and other things that I have a real weakness for and they could be kept where it would be difficult enough for me to get to them that I would not do it.  We have a second refrigerator in the house whose purpose was partly to keep things out of my sight and, thus, out of my mind.  But I do not have to see the cokes to know they are there.  Luke could keep his Mountain Dew in there and there are probably a few other soft drinks that I could resist because I don’t like them, but Cokes, I crave so blasted much that I will give in and get one.

I could ask Luke to take the soft drinks out but I haven’t because when I am not driven crazy with cravings I can resist them and I feel like I should always be able to resist them and I feel like it is silly to make Luke keep them out there.  And when I am driven crazy with cravings, I need to ask him to get rid of them for me, but I do not want to.  I want to give in to my craving.  I don’t want to put them out of my reach.

It isn’t just Cokes of course.  It is crackers, dry cereal, cream of wheat, pastas, bread, jams, rice, so many carbs it isn’t even funny.  Should I keep all of those things out there?  It would be possible, but is it practical?  If it was just me, I could strip my house of everything I should not have.  But it isn’t just me.

I am doing better than I was before I started writing here.  But I am not doing well.  I gave in and had a bowl of cereal tonight.  I didn’t need the carbs and I didn’t need the milk.  (Calcium is a rant I will do some other time.)  I did remember that one of the reasons I never ever want to eat cereal again is because almost all of them are fortified with iron shavings.  I saved a little of it to let get soggy, squash, and run a magnet around in so I could check to see if Wheat Chex (not what I wanted, but what I could reach) has iron shavings.  I found 1 shaving, possibly 2.  They are very tiny.  I am sure there were more but I was impatient and probably didn’t get it mushed enough to find all of them.  Still, if there is 1, then they are there.

I am going to make a list of reasons I do not want cereal and other things.  One reason I had forgotten, which might have stopped me tonight, is the iron shavings.  Maybe reading a list of reasons will remind me of things I do not really think about when I am mad with craving.  Maybe….

by Nelia

Iron

I have been watching videos about health and nutrition and learning so much that I did not know before.  Sadly, after a few weeks I forget almost every detail, retaining only that I need more of this or less of that.

Tonight I watched a video about Iron.  It was interesting.  I am sure you have all seen them put Total in a blender and then pull out iron shavings with a magnet.  What I did not know is that iron shavings are the most common way to enrich our food with iron.  He showed us that he pulled what looked like a quarter of a teaspoon of iron shavings out of one of those little individual flavored packets of oatmeal.  He said that there are iron shavings in baby cereal.

They refer to these iron shavings as food grade iron.

We cannot metabolize metallic iron.  Our bodies can only use iron that comes from plants.  Iron shavings are not only adding nothing to our nutrition, they are destructive to the digestive system and cause damage which is leaky gut syndrome.  I want to pull things out of my cabinet put them in the blender with water and run my magnet around to see if I can pull out iron shavings.  If I do, I will add what products gave me what result.

And the other thing I learned is that even when they do not use actual iron shavings to enrich our food they are using metallic iron.  Plant derived iron is more expensive.

And the saddest thing is that we don’t even need that much iron.  The speaker said that almost everyone has too much iron in their bodies and the level that most people think of as normal is actually too much because it is based on what is average instead of what is ideal.  Labcorp lists normal iron as 30 – 400 ng/ml.  The actual healthy range is from 15 to 25 ng/ml.   (Do you remember your levels, Ramona?)

Too much iron is destructive to other nutrients because it is an oxygen hog and robs them of the oxygen they need.  (Actually, I think I got that last bit from a video I watched earlier about minerals in general.)

The speaker said to stop using anything packaged because almost everything that comes in a box is enriched with unusable iron, usually in the form of shavings.  He said that even if it doesn’t say it is enriched with iron, if it has the word enriched or fortified, it has iron.

Think leaky gut.

by Nelia

The diet is not going well

The diet has been going pretty well till last night.  Last night, in the middle of the night, I woke up needing to take the pills I had forgotten to take earlier, and needing to eat something for the pills.  There was nothing easy in the refrigerator and in a moment of not caring, I picked up the last piece of apple pie which was still fine even though it was old enough that I expected to find mold,  I ate it.  It was good.  I didn’t care.  I felt rebellious.

Today I have had 2 cheese sandwiches (bread is the no no) with coke.  COKE!  One of the biggest no nos there is.  Then we had cream of wheat for supper.  Then, later, I had another blasted Coke.

I must get back on track tomorrow.  I can feel my blood sugar.

 

Today was an odd day.  I have occasional days like this, days when I just cannot bring myself to care about much of anything.  I have no idea what causes them.

by Ramona

The liberation of age

So last week I wore sandals to work.

Ten years ago I never would have done this. My toenails were not something enough, my feet were not something else enough (or too much something), my sandals were not another something. Who knows.

But, laundry day came and went and went some more and it was sandals or .. I don’t know. Maybe snow boots.

And instead of agonizing over it, there was a shrug and ah well, I will wear sandals and whatever it is that is or isn’t something enough is just everyone else’s problem. At which point you think smugly to yourself about how wise and beyond all that you have become.

But then, later that afternoon, I was sitting in a coworkers very well-lit office, and I had my foot crossed up over my knee, and I looked down and it was just the right focal length and the right amount of light and … and ew. Dry skin, some cracking, all kind of whitish and terrible looking. So I put my foot back down on the ground where it belongs and looked at it again and … eh. Just a foot.

So I wonder .. just how much of this wise ‘I am no longer bothered by appearances’ is simply that my eyesight has slipped just enough to be kind about these fine details?

And yet .. I did wear sandals. The people who might care about such things said merely, ah, those older women who no longer care about such things. Nothing particularly bad happened.

Though I was very happy to come home and see that Joseph had already tackled the laundry. Because otherwise I would have had to.

by Ramona

Easter garden(ing)

It’s been a while.

Finished class, you know. One would think that would give me all this time to write. But instead, once freed, I’ve run away from all things computer.

So. Class was so intense. It’s odd – it’s like as soon as I was officially in a class, the intensity meter jammed onto full. And the very hour I was out of class, that same meter just snapped back off. Very odd sensation.

We are ~still~ not finished with this ranch business. Though the back & forth has led us to all kinds of interesting byways. Just discovered this resource – http://gisweb.glo.texas.gov/glomapjs/index.html. You can look at the original land grants all across Texas. We’ve found some from before Texas statehood. It is all very interesting.

We had a perfect, lovely Easter. We ran errands, did gardening, put an Easter basket together (without discovery!), found eggs – and went on a crazy sugar high that somehow never turned into a raging sugar crash. Not sure how that worked. But it was just a lovely weekend.

And I am very excited about the yardwork we got started. We’ve been making all these flower bed plans. We’ll think of something, do it, learn from it, do something else – over and over. Well, there’s some threshold with this one where we had a plan, knew what materials we needed and how to construct it, had the tools and the necessary parts and all that kind of stuff. So it seems like a big step up from our previous plans. Like all the other things we’ve done to date are done knowing beforehand that they’ll need to be re-done as we figure out what we’re doing. But although we’re making plenty of mistakes, this (probably) won’t need to be redone. This one will stay.

by Nelia

I Want Something Sweet!

I just found myself cruising through the kitchen (again) looking for “something.”  And I stopped myself again.  I want something sweet.  I have been here before.  I have failed at about this time before because the craving for sweets defeats me.  Hopefully writing here will give me a little more reason to resist.

Tonight I was watching a commercial for some restaurant.  I became aware, that as each tempting option was shown, I was focussed on the bread.  It looked so good.

It will pass.  I know this craving will pass.  But right now, any time my mind is not fully occupied, it starts nudging me toward the kitchen where the sweet things live.

And then there are the surprise attacks.  Yesterday I opened the back refrigerator for a perfectly legitimate reason and there were the cokes, sweet bubbly cokes.  Dang!  (I need to get those things moved out to the shop where they will not be as attainable.)  You know, when I was on Weight Watchers, I lost weight even though I was indulging myself with Cokes.  They let you eat anything as long as you count up the points.

But this is different.  These days I am trying to break my carb addiction because 1) health 2) weight.  I could have a coke if the goal was only weight.  I could use my calorie allowance however I wanted.  But sugar is bad for me.  Anything that instantly turns into sugar when I digest it is bad for me.  Sugar is even bad for skinny people.  Sugar and all the other delicious empty carbs are threatening my health.

We had roast tonight.  The potatoes and carrots and gravy (thickened with cornstarch) were so good……  They will be going soon… off limits…  high carb vegetables.  This may well be my farewell to potatoes.  Sigh……..   Baked potatoes with butter and cheese and sour cream…….  Yes, I am torturing myself.  Oddly, on a low carb diet I can have the butter, cheese, and sour cream, but not the potatoes.

 

 

 

 

by Nelia

Well that second step thing isn’t working so well

My stated second step was to stop snacking.  I am working on it, but our life isn’t scheduled any more so it is hard to tell whether is is lunch or a snack.  We need to keep regular hours.  Everything I read on the subject says we need regular predictable sleep and it needs to start way before 1 or 2 or 3 in the morning when we usually go to bed.  And you need to have regular eating times, not breakfast if I feel like it, lunch whenever I get hungry, supper when I think about it and when Luke is ready to come in from the shop.

Problem is neither one of have ever been early sleepers, and, though Luke would like for me to make regularly scheduled meals, I am so tired of cooking and planning meals and thinking about what to make that I cannot stand it.  I go crazy when I have to think about what to have for meals and cook all the time.  Seriously, I can’t do it anymore. When I am hungry I can think about what we should have for supper and if I am hungry I am motivated to cook it, but to do it all the time…AAUUGHHHH!!!!

So, the snacking thing is going to have to be a longer project.

What I have been doing is the usual second step, avoiding wheat.  No bread, no bagels, no spaghetti etc.  I had my last pizza, my farewell to bread.  (I read that the Papa John’s Pizza here had closed.  Recently I found out it isn’t closed!  When I learned that, the pizza cravings began.)

I watched a video the other day in which the guy said that when people stop eating sugar, they often start eating more pasta and bread because highly processed wheat does the same thing as sugar once it gets into your body.

Now, I have not completely given up sugar and wheat.  I have given up anything that is “mostly” sugar or wheat.  For example I am on a slaw kick.  The slaw recipe I use has both sugar and wheat.  The recipe is simple, for a head of cabbage, 1/2 – 3/4 cup red wine vinegar, 1 T sugar, 2 T oil, seasoning packet from 1 package of Top Ramen noodles, crushed Top Ramen noodles, 1 cup slivered or sliced almonds.  It is my modification of a recipe that calls for more sugar and more noodles.  I love the stuff and I think 1 T of sugar and 1 package of noodles with a whole head of cabbage is acceptable.  If I go all the way to no sugar and no wheat, of course, the slaw will have to go.  I can like it well enough without the sugar, but without the noodles, it is too blah.

I could use sugar substitutes, of course. I have, but I haven’t this time around.  I would rather do without sugar than use most sugar substitutes because of the taste, the aftertaste, and, for some of them, my body’s reaction.  It seems to me that if my body reacts badly to sugar alcohols, for example, it is trying to tell me something.  I know everyone says they are fine, but are they really?

I see all these recipes for desserts that taste just like the real thing but are low carb because they use artificial sweeteners, and I think, why?  I want to train my my palate to not crave so much sweetness.  Wouldn’t it be better to come up with a “dessert” that is less sweet?  When I do not have sugar for a long time, I become very sensitive to sweetness.  A honeycrisp apple goes from being pleasantly sweet to decadently sweet.  Why not come up with a dessert based on, say, chocolate and cream cheese that has a little sugar in it, but is more like a 70% or 85% cocoa chocolate bar and less like a traditional cheesecake?

by Nelia

Second step

Always, when I have done this, my second step has been to cut wheat.  I have been cutting back on wheat already.  I haven’t had any bread till today when Luke offered me Schlotskies.  I have forgone the bagels I have been enjoying lately.  I haven’t gone full out, but I have been aware.

But I think this time my next step is to stop grazing.  I snack between meals.  I have recently learned that snacking is very bad.  We need to eat and then give our bodies a chance to digest and rest.  3 meals a day…. not 6, not eating little bits all the time.

So step 2 is going to be to stopping the snacks.

Believe me, that is going to be hard.

by Ramona

A normal weekend

We did nothing this weekend. Nothing that had a deadline, anyway; nothing that was scheduled and had to be done.

We worked in the yard. Actually, we made some real progress (dug stuff up) on a particular project that’s been on hold for over a year. And we worked on the roses, which look a whole lot better now, and bought some new plants and even planted two of them.

We also went up into Austin for no reason whatsoever and went to our various favorite haunts and just enjoyed ourselves. It was so nice.

I don’t know how long it’s been since the last time we did this. Many months.

by Nelia

Trying again

Maybe if I make it more public I will do better.

I am trying to change my diet again.  Sometimes I wonder why I try after so many failures, but here I am again.  My main fear, these days, when I try, is the the backlash.  Every time I try, I succeed for a time but, when I inevitably go back to my old ways, I do so with a vengeance and end up gaining back more than I lost.  In recent years this gain back takes less time.  Last time was the worst because I dieted for 2 months and didn’t lose a pound.  I think my body had become very good at adapting.  The backlash caused a gain even though there was no loss.

The plan this time is my sneak-up-on-it strategy.  It is what I have found I can do when I can’t work up the resolve to really do it.  The-sneak-up-on-it plan involves cutting out things I do not need one at a time.  The first cut is always sugar.  By sugar, I mean anything that is primarily sugar or whose flavor is primarily sweet: cokes, cookies, jam, etc.  I have been doing this for a week and it is going well.  I am always confused by how easy this first step it.  Why, I wonder, is it so hard to resist coke and the rest of it if I can give it up this easily?

The next step is always wheat: bread, crackers, bagels, etc.  I feel that one coming on because I find myself pondering alternative flours.  I am looking at one that is a mix of tapioca, almond, coconut, and flax. with no added gluten.  Probably, though, I will just use the flours I have which are Almond, coconut, flax, and maybe buckwheat.

I may have even found a solution to cornbread which is chopping up canned baby corn on the cob.  It has less carbs than cornmeal, I assume because you are eating the cob.  I also learned that there is a corn extract that gives a good corn flavor and that the cornbread texture can be achieved with the addition of crushed pork rinds.  Interesting.  I’m not there yet, but it is interesting.  Actually, though, using almond flour for the wheat flour gives is a somewhat cornbread texture. I always miss cornbread when I go full low carb.

Anyway, I need to lose weight and improve my health so bad.  It isn’t even a matter of how I look anymore.  I may even look worse if I lose weight because I will have excess skin, but that would only be if I lost a lot of weight and right now I just want to lose 50 pounds, maybe 100.  I’m striving for improvement, not ideal weight.

And I keep telling myself that eating better and improving my health is enough even if, like last time, I don’t lose.  Last time, eating extremely low carb enabled me to go off my diabetes medicine and still have a good blood sugar level.  Shouldn’t that be enough?

So I hope to be posting periodically about it here.  I hope writing about it will help me do it.  I hope knowing the people I love know what I am doing and are pulling for me will also help.