The Family

This morning Penny was waiting at the door. Maybe if i let her out in the morning when the streets are quiet and people driving are more likely to see her, she will be less eager to go out at night… but i doubt it. I offered to ler her out this miorning, but she declined… Maybe because she was out all night, and maybe because day is not as interesting.

Penelope wanted out this morning so bad….. Then she seemed to settle down. I hoped. Tonight we went to the store and the front door was not closed securely. When we got home she was gone. I can’t find her. Zoeie was still inside, content to just look out. Maybe i should have just had her as my only cat. I have had that thought before, especially when the kittens were small and she first hated me. She turned from my cat to Luke’s cat when i brought those usurpers in and she has never given me the time of day since.

Not that i don’t love Penelope. I love her so blasted much. She is a little fairy cat…. slender, curious, delicate in her ways. I feel like i have raised a sheltered child, not prepared for the real world, and she is bursting with the desire for new experiences. I am afraid for her. I am not afraid for Bruce. He is very well prepared for most anything. Penelope is a wide-eyed innocent.

And she is out there delighting in the cool dark of the night, where the cars zip past and stray dogs roam… not to mention the stray cats. I can’t sleep….. and there is no point in hunting for her. I can’t see and she could be anywhere.

I think their scale is wrong. I know how i ate this week. Actually i did not keep track of points, except mentally, because i lost my point keeper and after a few days it seemed pointless to when i did find it. But i know that i ate a whole bag of reeces peanut butter cups, more hard candy than i should have, and more bubble gum.

Yesterday i was weighing my clothes to decide what to wear. I knew that i had gained and hoped that if i could reduce my clothes weight, i could stay the same or, at least, minimize the gain. Unfortunately clothes only made a half pound difference. I did wear the lightest outfit, though. A half a pound is enough to count.

I stepped on the scale ready to take the bad news. I had lost 6 pounds. Even considering the clothes, i lost 5. I told the woman at the table that the scale must be wrong because i knew how i ate this week, but that i would take the star anyway.

I am still confused. I stepped on the scale here at home and i have lost, 4 pounds here, but still…. how does one lose eating candy?

I am so frustrated. First Bruce wanted out so bad… actually Bruce needed out so bad that we ended up letting him go out. He was much calmer for it. Penelope and Zoeie notice that he goes and are curious and interested in the way he smells when he comes back inside, but outside is a big scary place and they are not darters like Bruce. They will venture out if the doors is left open long enough, but once outside they want back in.

Fall comes. With fall comes nice open-the-window weather. Bruce goes out; Penny hangs out at the open window; Bruce sees her and sits under the window calling to her in all these cat tones. I know he is saying “come out and play with me/be with me.” When he does this Penelope really wants out.

The door is sometimes open. When Luke steps outside to get the mail or clip something to the mailbox, for example, he does not close the door because he is only out there for a second. Sometimes the door is pushed shut and the carpet grabs it and it does not shut all the way. This is especially true if we have something in our arms. Sometimes, when something interesting is going on out front or when the weather is fine and Luke wants to look out on the day with his cup of coffee, he will stand in the open doorway looking out. His being there, standing still, does not stop a cat, but he does not register this as leaving the door open, nor does he appreciate it when i tell him he is letting the cats out. You get a good feeling when you stand in your doorway looking out at the world that you do not get stepping outside and closing the door behind you.

Bruce used to get out when the door was open like this, but Bruce would also dart thru your legs the moment the door was cracked. Penelope and Zoeie are more cautious and polite. They do not dart anywhere, especially thru legs, and when it comes to outside, it takes a while for them to work up courage. They will sit in the open doorway and look out for quite a while before actually going out. With Bruce out there calling, though, Penelope has become a little bolder.

Well, last night it happened…. Penelope got out and nobody noticed. I know she was at the door wanting in within moments, but nobody was there to notice her because nobody saw her go out. (When Penelope is outside wanting in she does not meow – perhaps because it is scary out there.) Last night the weather was fine and she spent the whole night out. In the morning she was ready to come back in, but she was out long enough to get over her fear and enjoy herself. Now she wants out in a big way. She is still not a darter. It would be possible for me to keep her in, though it hurts to do so because she wants out so bad and when she wants something she wants it with all her being, and she is very vocal and persistent. And, of course, she does not understand why Bruce gets to go out and she doesn’t. That was never a real issue till now.

I could keep her in…. but usually Luke is not even aware that he has the door open. She has plenty of opportunity to go out now that she does not hesitate.

Ramona, i know you are thinking i should walk the cats so they can have their outside adventure safely. I have not walked Penelope and Zoeie because i did not want them to learn that outside is not big and scary after all. And even if i did give them outside time, they would go outside alone if the door was open.

I am frustrated. I do not know what to do. I have thought maybe a screen or a glass door would help because we could have the door closed and still see out, and it would be set up with a thing to make it close automatically, but a glass door, especially a double, and especially a pretty one like you would put in front, would cost quite a bit and have to be installed and it would make going out a little akward. When we have talked about it before we have decided against it. Even if we did rethink it and get one, it would be a while before it was put up. We bought new doors and they have been in the garage for a couple of months.

I have had the thought that if we did not have Bruce out there setting an example, and, trying to persuade the others to come out, Penelope would get over it…… but he is a grown cat (harder to place) and he and Luke love eachother.