The Family

We have new front doors!!! They look so much better than the old ones. We do need to paint them and are debating the color. We also need to paint the house and have been debating the color for that for a while. As soon as it it sunny I intend to take a picture of the house and see if i can play with the trim color, but for now we need to get some paint on the doors. If we don’t like what we come up with, we will eventually be repainting anyway. So, what do you think? Match the house or white?

Well, I don’t know how I’m going to manage it, or when. But it looks like I’ll be visiting Toronto sometime in the not-to-distant future: http://www.lotr.com/intro.html

OK, i love stumbling!!! I admit it. I don’t spend all day doing it… but when i do, i always find something interesting. in the past hour while leno is on i have flown a heicopter into walls (not the intent of the game. The intent is to fly around the walls). I have read about lucid dreaming and looked at a 30 year picture history of a family…just one picture a year, bookmarked a site that promises only healthy recipes, and played with this kaleidoscope. You have to try the kaleidoscope and look at the pictures……..

Interesting Idea 

Educational 

Good Advice 

True

Also True 

Myths 

Explain This! 

Information Overload 

Great Photo

Well I downloaded Mozilla. I was happy with firefox, but i was told that mozilla comes with a wysiwyg web page writer that writes good code and i wanted to check it out for my sister in law who wants wo sell online and needs a site and is not up to writing the pages.

I really really like mozila from what i have seen of it. Of course that is not a lot so far. I did try the wysiwyg but i need to play with it more before i can if i like it (It seems well laid out.) I have spent most of my time with an add-on called StumbleUpon. It is so cool. You have to sign up to use it because they modify it to your interests. Then you click the button and “stumble” onto web pages that are highly rated and match your interests. I sent you all the table of condiments that periodically go bad. It amused me. Most of the sites i have looked at amuse or interest me.

Just what i need…. another way to waste time…….

I spent the weekend learnig from Chris and improving the look of the message boards on the White site……  (I enjoyed having Chris and Christina here.)   I used the tree picture i have had in mind for the front page on the whole bunch message board.  I can still use ot on the front page……   I made a picture of what i have had in mind for the front page.  I do not have it clearly in my mind yet…  I am not sure of where to put the trees and the links…   But i have had in mind the placement of the picture and the black bar with the name of the site and thought that if i could look at it, the rest might fall into place.
I am uploading it and linkind to it here.  I would like any of you to give me your thoughts and make suggestions.

How far do you take it?  When do you just let it go?

Another vet visit.   Officially this was to take everyone in for their vaccines.  But of course there was a Grailing evaluation.  The tumor is growing so fast, so very fast.   And it was a strange feeling, walking out of the office with only two rabies tags.

I’ve been looking online, and there are other treatments.  I could get a $300 kit to lower pH.  I could add specially tuned crystals to his water dish.    I could … well, I could be doing these things.   And I’m not.

So have I lost hope, given up?  Am I failing him by not pursuing all options?   There’s no way to know.   If one of those options worked, it would be worth whatever it took, but if they don’t, I’d feel bad for ruining the quality of his final days.

There’s one supplement that’s actually listed as a cancer cure.   Grailing doesn’t like the way it tastes and won’t eat his food if this supplement is in it.   So I’ve stopped adding it.

I know there’s no way to know what the right call is.   I just really wish there was.  I know I’d go to the ends of the earth for him .. and yet I’m not, saying that the ends of the earth won’t do him any good.

I wish I could know if I was failing him, or helping him transition with his dignity intact.

I hate the not knowing.  That’s just about the worst part of it.

Truth is, another problem with my diet is that i know I am going to have hanging sklin. I have talked about this before. I have the name of a couple of plastic surgeons and my doctor also recommended looking into a teaching hospitlal resident surgery. She said that residents have at least 5 years of surgical experience but need practice on real people performing real surgery so hospitals give a pretty good discount.
But i was still afraid of the cost…. envisioning $100,000+
Went looking online today. It is pricey but it is do’able. I only found the dr charges, not the hostipal, and when you add in the hospital cost I will probably have to go woth a teaching hospital and cross my fingers, but it is not going to run as much as i was afraid it would… not for the bare minimum, anyway.

Much relief.

I am trying…  I am honestly trying….   All of a sudden it got hard.

Last month i was awarded my 16 week pin, the pin that signifies that i have made it thru the crucial time and am more likely, statically, to make it all the way to my goal weight.   I was asked what i did to stick with it.  I told them it was not that hard, really…   that i had this health crisis and something in me changed.  (Well it did!)  But i think i jinxed myself.  Since January 12th I have lost a whopping 5 pounds.  (well, almost – I am 2/10ths of a pound from my next 5 pound star. – I suggested that we close the doors and let me strip to get rid of those 2/10ths, but the weigh’er-in’er did not think that was a good idea.)

I know some of the reasons it has gotten hard:

1) I feel so much better.

2) I relaxed my guard.

3) My fat cells are starving and crying out for food..  bad food…  I crave fat….    strongly.
4) I am not good at long-term…  I lose interest…  Get sidetracked.

But, even so, I do not understand why it is so hard.  I want this.  I really really want this.  I talk to myself…   remind myself of all the reasons.  I listen; I determine that i am back on the straight and narrow.   And then I just fail….   I don’t understand.

It is good that I have all of you pulling for me.  It is good that my doctors are both so proud of me that i feel sick at the thought of not having lost more when i go back for the next visit.  It is good that i have gotten rid of all my clothes that are too big.  I go in and try on the next size down from time to time and have moved them into my closet so i see them all the time.  I want to get into the next size down.  It felt so good to give away all my “fat clothes” that i want to do it again.

It is also good that i am beginning to feel fat again.  For a while i felt so much smaller…  It is still nice to sit in places that i could not easly sit before…    but i am increasingly aware of my belly again, which is a good thing.

Well, it has been a while since I have “reported in” because i did not have anything good to report…   consider this my update.

Wanted to share a cute video.