How far do you take it? When do you just let it go?
Another vet visit.  Officially this was to take everyone in for their vaccines. But of course there was a Grailing evaluation. The tumor is growing so fast, so very fast.  And it was a strange feeling, walking out of the office with only two rabies tags.
I’ve been looking online, and there are other treatments. I could get a $300 kit to lower pH. I could add specially tuned crystals to his water dish.   I could … well, I could be doing these things.  And I’m not.
So have I lost hope, given up? Am I failing him by not pursuing all options?  There’s no way to know.  If one of those options worked, it would be worth whatever it took, but if they don’t, I’d feel bad for ruining the quality of his final days.
There’s one supplement that’s actually listed as a cancer cure. Â Grailing doesn’t like the way it tastes and won’t eat his food if this supplement is in it. Â So I’ve stopped adding it.
I know there’s no way to know what the right call is.  I just really wish there was. I know I’d go to the ends of the earth for him .. and yet I’m not, saying that the ends of the earth won’t do him any good.
I wish I could know if I was failing him, or helping him transition with his dignity intact.
I hate the not knowing. That’s just about the worst part of it.
sigh….
ok…as far as the rabies shot, the thing is good for 3 years. so he’s fine there, no abuse. there has actually been some illnesses linked to doing the shots too often (i.e. every year for a 3 year vaccine)
i don’t want to tell you what to do or how to treat grailing. i know that you would do anything you could to help grailing lead his life to the fullest and longest possible. that said, i also know that if this was me…i would be questioning the same things you are right now. i know that grailing is far more than just a cat, he is a member of your family in every sense of the word.
i know that you are not failing grail in anyway. i know alot of people that would never have gone to the trouble and care that you have now and in years past. not many are willing to forgo their own comforts for a companion and i know that you have. i firmly believe that our four legged friends know we care about them quite deeply and the bond we share is very important for both parties.
i also know that this particular kind of cancer is very hard to deal with all around for them and us. i have seen a very sweet dog succumb to it, the exact one that grailing has. i have also seen another dog, very very dear to my heart have one of the other cancers that were a “possiblity” when this first started. her adoptive family sent her to A&M for treatment in the hopes of a cure, only to decide in conjunction with the vets while she was on the table…that the surgery would only prolong her suffering and they did the kindest thing they could at that time. i’ve seen what these folks went through too…and i know that it was terribly hard.
my heart is absolutely breaking over this. i wish there was an easy answer, a clear cut “this is what to do/not do.” i wish that you could sit down with grail and have a conversation to get his input and wishes. …and as silly as it sounds, i have had cats tell me in their own special way what they wanted. listen to grail, he’ll let you know.
just know that we are here for you and grailing. if you ever want to talk, vent, cry, whatever…call me, anytime.
Thank you
(can’t say much more than that just now)
I suppose we all think about what kind if treatment we would want to have if we had cancer… how far we would go, at what point would quality of life be so poor that we would want to just give up and let go. Dad used to think about cancer. He and some of my siblings read all these books by cancer survivors who offered their cures. Dad and these siblings knew exactly what to do to beat cancer.
But then Dad got cancer. It changed things…. Oh, there were plans to do what they had always believed would work, and I looked into hospitals that offer cutting edge cures, where they say that as long as you are breathing it is not too late. But we knew, we all knew. at some point, that nothing was going to work. Someone would say, “But we have to try!” and someone else would say “I’m not putting Dad thru that.”
I tell you this because i know the argument you are having with yourself. I am not even thinking that it is easier for you because it is “only” a pet. It ‘is’ easier for that reason, but it is also harder because the decision is all on you You can talk to others. but in the end, he is your love and your responsibility. You can’t even share the decision making with Grailing. You have to make the decisions and bear the second thoughts all by yourself.
I will say that, hard as it is to give up, I think it is time to. When there was hope you did everything you could. When you second guess yourself, remember that when there was any reason to hope yoy were willing to spend time and trouble and money. If you do nothing now, it is not because you are not willing, it is because you know that nothing you do will cure him. And even if you thought that something might give him a few more days or weeks, you hve to balance that against would they cost him.
It is not a decision i can make for you, but i can tell you that I think it is time to concentrate on feeding him well and pampering him and petting him and loving him…. and telling him good-bye.
It is hard to do nothing. It is hard, too, to make that terrible decision that, for Grailings sake, you are going to hurry things. But sometimes you have to, because you do love him and it reaches the point that the most loving thing is to do what is hardest and make decisions that will ease his way instead of keeping him here…….
Would you like for me to come?
Thank you for the offer, both of you, and for the meaningful and heartfelt responses.
I do not need you to come here. Besides, I don’t know how that would be arranged; I don’t know when the end will come. Could be weeks, could be months. But once I make that call, I’ll want it to be done fast.
I have thought a little about what would be helpful, though, since everyone has been so open-endedly supportive. Here is my idea; tell me what you think and if you would want to participate.
On the night after, I would like to have a type of wake. The final procedure will be done at home, and I am going to stay up that night in the room, saying goodbye to his spirit and talking with him. It would be lovely and very helpful if during that evening and night, I could call you all at some point and we could share.
I don’t want to talk about me, or how I’m handling it, or anything like that. I’d like to talk about Grailing, and stories you remember about him, and about other pets that have touched your lives, and all the stories about them. About Peaches and Hobo and Ladybird and Heidi in the snow; about Zeus and Thor, and about Cricket and the Tigers and Zoie and Bruce and Penelope. About Blue and Moe, and the dogs that have gone before and all the other pets that we have all loved.
I just want to surround Grailing’s spirit and memory with the company of all those other loved ones.
I was thinking, if this is something you all would do with me, that perhaps you could let me know what times would be best. Mom, I was thinking that I could probably call you very late. But Chris, Christina; let me know what range of times would be workable.
And you could think of stories in advance, and even take the lead in bringing them up; don’t wait for me to ask about them. Two main topics; first, anything and everything you remember about Grailing, and second, the stories of the other pets you’ve had and loved. Chris, I know that the pets you’ve known are pretty similar to the pets I’ve known – but don’t let that stop you; I’d love to hear your perspective on the cats we’ve both grown up with.
Happy, irreverent, silly stories are good. Deeply meaningful stories are good. Just …
Well, you all get the idea.
How about it? What do you think? Would you do this with me?
Of course…… And i think it is both a wonderful way of dealing with those first overwhelming feelings, and a wonderful tribute….. I have always liked wakes. I have always thought that i would rather have a wake than a funeral.
As for me…. yes…… call me in any time. In the night i am sure to be here and if our cell phones die, i can call your home phone with dad’s cell while they recharge.
Keep us posted…… (I can’t believe i missed this post for 3 days!!! I have been checking.)