The Family

First, thanks to all for your concern. It is very appreciated.

The biopsy results came in today. I think I’ll be able to write about them; I’ve gone rather numb.

It is still possible that it is a fibrous sarcoma, which is what the vet had prepared me for. However, the lab results and, in retrospect, the physical presentation, point to the worse diagnosis of a hemangiosarcoma (subcutaneous). Here is a website, if you are interested:
http://www.marvistavet.com/html/body_hemangiosarcoma.html

And here is the summary.

The vet was hopeful that it could have been a liposarcoma, cancer in fat cells, as those are very localized and don’t metastasize or recur. That was very unlikely before, and pretty much scratched off the list after the surgery. At that point, we were hoping for a fibrous sarcoma, cancer of muscle cells. Those are very localized and don’t metastasize, though recurrence is common. This still might be what it is.

It is more likely, though, that this is a hemangio sarcoma, cancer of the blood vessels. It doesn’t metastasize, it just exists anywhere that there are blood vessels. This one seems to have manifested in the minor vasculature, but in dogs particularly it does move in to the organs, particularly the spleen and heart. That is, in a small word, bad.

Basically, if it grows back immediately we’ll figure it’s a hemangiosarcoma. There’s no other real clear diagnostic test. We could also run chest x-rays; if we see small tumors growing all over elsewhere it’s probably a hemangiosarcoma.

I’m opting for the x-rays as soon as Grail is recovered from the surgery; probably some time in January. I’d rather know.

Hemangiosarcomas don’t respond particularly well to radiation or chemo. If it does recur, which is likely if that is what this is, the clearest next option would be to do another surgery, but pull even more of the surrounding tissues. This would have to be done by a specialist, as they would probably have to remove or at least resculpt parts of the lower intestine, and it is probable that they would remove the leg (not that they’d have to remove the leg, but they’d be removing so much of the abdominal musculature that the leg would no longer function).

The vet delicately tried to tell me that there are no effective treatments for hemangiosarcomas. Median life expectancy after agressive surgery, which is what we just did, is about 6 months. Treatments may or may not do anything to prolong that.

And if I did radiation, which might help the cancer, the location – right near the kidneys – is problematic. One of those, ‘the good news is he won’t die of cancer’ kind of situations.

So. That’s where I am.

I am now, mercifully, numb. Whenever I think about it – in a real, non-clinical way – I fall to pieces. Loud, hysterical, sobbing pieces.

This is very hard.

Carrie called me this morning to tell me that the man who made that amazing light display was going to be on the Today Show… but Carrie is one hour behind me so by the time she called it was too late for me to catch it. It did get me to looking, though. I found this, and thought you would be interested:
http://www.snopes.com/photos/arts/xmaslights.asp
Chris and Christina, I don’t know if i ever sent you a link to download the lights (I am sure you have found your own by now) but there is a link at this address and the light man is going to put a higher resolution film online soon.

If you have any Wisconsin State Quarters, you should look at them carefully. Some of them have been minted incorrectly and they are valuable to the right collector.

Click Here for images and a description of the error.

I’m thinking of looking through my quarters looking for one; maybe I can get lucky like one guy I know and sell it on e-bay for 130 dollars.

Ramona called to update me and asked me to post for her; she is tired. Grailing’s surgery was this morning and he came home this evening. Grailing would tell you that he is miserable and his body is not right at all (I heard a couple of cat wails in the background) but he came thru the surgery well. The biopsy report will be back on Tuesday, and then we will know for sure how serious this is.

Funny, I have been trying to sign in and have been told my password is not correct. I finally realized that i had not capitalized my name. I am so used to not that it took a while to even notice.

OK, on subject: Weight Watcher Meeting. I did not lose anything this week. I am not surprised. 1) I have been hungry all week. 2) I ate Thursday and in past weeks I have not. and 3) I wore heavier clothes. It is cold.

I figure I have reset weigh-in to eating on Thursday and winter weight clothes.

The meeting was interesting. The leader put a list of Thanksgiving food up and we were all given a paper plate to write on. (nice memory tool, the plate) On the plate we wrote all the things we planned to eat on Thanksgiving. Then she put up the same list with points for all the foods. We all added up our points. Wow. I plan to eat more than a day’s allowance in one meal.

We then went on to talk about how this is once a year, and if we do not nibble all day and if we send the leftovers home with guests and do not continue to eat this way for several days, it is fine. We also talked about how we can earn extra food points with exercise. I have never used those extra points (they are optional) but I may consider them this week. We did not talk about saving points from other days, but I am doing that too. If I eat only 2 points less each day, that should give me enough saved points for Thanksgiving.

To give an idea of points on Thanksgiving, here is my list:
1 slice of turkey – 2 points
½ cup stuffing – 4 points
¼ cup cranberry sauce – 2
¼ c gravy – 2
1 c green beans – 0
½ c sweet potatoes – 3
1 roll – 3
fresh veggies – 0
½ slice pumpkin pie (1/16 of a pie) – 4.5
½ slice apple pie – 4.5
½ slice pecan pie – 6
½ c whipped cream (light) – 2

Total – 33 points
Goal – 31 for the day

That is a reasonable Thanksgiving meal. I usually eat larger portions. Especially considering the whole day. I also eat black olives and dip my fresh vegies. On the other hand, i intend to count up the points in the recipies i actually use. Mine are sometimes lighter than traditional.

The less you weigh, the less your get to eat. I feel for those whose goal is 2o points.

Another 4.something pounds. I have another star… It confuses me. For 2 weeks in a row i have not followed the plan very well, and both weeks i have lost. I have been eating too much on the weekends, and then trying to make up for it during the week, with mixes success. And then on Thursday i eat breakfast and don’t eat supper till after the meeting. 🙂 (That is because i am convinced that i am not going to lose… maybe I’ll even gain.) But it seems to be working for me and i think that the days that i am eating too much will keep my body from resetting base point on the days i am making up for it.

This week i am going to get back to keeping track of points. I have a good idea how much of what i can eat in a day and i have been judging my food intake by that instead of by counting the points. Think it is time to get back to counting. This not knosing how i am really doing is driving me crazy. I am going to allow a few more on the weekend days and a few less on the weekdays, though. That seems to be the pattern. I might as well keep that going.

Penny wants out, and when Penny wants something she wants it will all her being, and she wants it persistently and loudly. She is also slipping out the door with no hesitation when the door is open so I know there is no way i am going to be able to keep her in. I would go to the laundry room, shut the house side, and then go out, but Luke won’t. He might try to, but then he will want to put the mail out and not think about cats. And, besides, it is impossible to ask everybody who rings my doorbell to come around to the back.

And then there is the jealousy factor. There is no way i can keep Bruce inside. He gets mean; that is proven. He got mean cooped up inside when he was not allowed out. Think of what he would be like now that he has had freedom. And if i let Bruce out and keep Penelope in now that she knows that outside is a wonderful exciting interesting place, she is not going to understand. Penelope is the most curious of all the cats, and the most excited by anything new.

I feel like the only workable option i have is to choose the time I let the cats out, limiting the dangers by making it late morning when it is light out, after everyone has gone to work and before they start coming home. My hope is that by letting them out early, they will come to expect to be let out in the morning and not be obsessed with getting out at other times. Maybe we can aviod the night wandering. Luke might be able to remember to use the back door at night… and we seldom have anyone ringing the bell after dark.

I am letting Zoeie out too. Though she is not as interested in it, she does want to do what the others are doing and it does not seem fair to keep only one cat inside. When there were 2 inside i felt like they had each other. I wish they were all as indifferent to the outside as she is. She ventures out for a little while and then comes back in and, if the door is open, sits in the doorway looking out.

This is the first time i have tried to keep my cats safely inside. Maybe if i lived on a busy street I would have more motivation to keep up the effort…. but on a quiet street…. sigh……. I am not happy about it….. but i think i am fighting a loosing battle and it is time to give up and hope for a satisfactory compromise.

a few days ago….we noticed something…one of our “snails” looked different, in fact it looked suspiciously like the empty shell that had been on the bottom of the tank. then we noticed…that’s no snail! that’s a hermit crab!!! we finally had one change homes!!!!
we got super excited, though a little sad we could not find the old shell but more so that we missed the great move.

yesterday we traveled to the fish store on the north side of town that has quality fish and clean tanks for some empty shells so out other crabs could move if they needed. we let the shells spend the night in the small tank, then this morning into the drink they went with the fishies. the crabs came a running. first was a crab that appears to be in his original home he came to us with. he investigated a shell, but ultimately decided to move on.
then, down the rock face comes the crab that moved. the crab approached the shell, stretched to take a quick peek inside and retracted.

ok…but then the crab grabbed the empty shell, lined up opening to opening, reached inside and snatched a bit of detrius…rolled with the shell and in a quick moment scooted his body from one shell to another. it then righted itself and began to clean house before taking back to the rocks.

chris and i are very excited to see a crab move. we hope to see the more of them move in the future. it is really just too cool!

*any mispelling of crab that looks like crap is not intentional and is not reflective of the views of the author.

This morning Penny was waiting at the door. Maybe if i let her out in the morning when the streets are quiet and people driving are more likely to see her, she will be less eager to go out at night… but i doubt it. I offered to ler her out this miorning, but she declined… Maybe because she was out all night, and maybe because day is not as interesting.