Andrea and Fred have come and gone. It was a good visit, short because Fred suddenly felt bad. I think he was tired. I offered to let him lie down here but he wanted to go to his own bed.
They are in this area because Andrea is singing at a few area churches. It seemed odd to me that she would be traveling around, singing when Fred is so sick, but i had a chance to talk to Fred while they were here and better understand why.
Luke took Andrea on a house tour but Fred was too tired to go so i stayed and talked to him. I learned that Fred, who has always been an aggressive businessman and always supported Andrea’s singing, is too weak to go out and install or supervise the installation of sprinkler systems like he used to. He does still own his business after 2 thwarted efforts to sell and is still getting jobs and arranging for others to do the work, and getting a percentage of the price, but this does not keep him busy enough.
He has turned his efforts to promoting Andrea’s singing. He calls people he knows and tries to get her invited into churches as a guest singer. It is just for exposure. He says that the churches often take up a love offering which covers most of their travel expenses but that is all. He just thinks she sings so beautifully he wants to promote her, and it makes him happy to go along and hear her. Which is in increditably sweet.
I am not sure how much longer he will be able to travel. He is not in pain, exactly, but he is in discomfort and traveling is hard for him. He is weak and uncoordinated and tires easily. He has to have assistance walking, sitting down, getting up (alot of assistance getting up – Andrea is barely able to lift him from a chair. I am not sure how much longer she is going to be able to act as his sole caretaker.) And he is losing his sight. He has lost peripheral vision on his left and the rest is fuzzy when he is tired.
He is not a fast thinker, but is still thinks and reasons and remembers much better than i expected which is why, i suppose, he is still able to take care of business and set up singing engagements for Andrea. He is cross momentarily from time to time… frustrated… frustrated with his inability to do what he needs to do, frustrated with Andrea for her inability to understand what he wants when he cannot think of how to tell her, frustrated with her because she talks too fast or too much. (Andrea is patient with him… though i am sure she has her moments of frustration too.) But for the most part he is very good – appreciative of Andrea, upbeat, positive, grateful for everything.
We went out for lunch (they wanted to). It was while we were out that i experienced an overwhelming empathy for him. He ordered a baked potatoes with all the fixings. He was carefully forking up a bite and having trouble, but slowly, and without asking for help, managing. He was so intent. His hand was trembling and he was having a hard time with the cheese stringing down but he managed. Something about his having trouble with such a simple thing…. and the way he concentrated and persisted…. it just hit me how hard it must be. It is tragic when a strong vigorous person is struck down by cancer.
He told me that when they found the tumor they were able to take 90% of it. 2 weeks later they checked it and it was larger than it had been and there were new small ones.
A few weeks ago the VA released him, telling him that there was nothing more they could do. That frustrates him. He has had radiation and chemotherapy, but now they just monitor it. He says he is has already made it 2 months beyond when they thought.
They talked, at first, about seeking alternative treatment. I don’t know what happened to that.