It’s always so much easier to intend to do something than it is to do it. I am going to take this time when Luke is away to remake myself, i say, I believe. I look forward to that time with calm intention. Only it is not working out. Why did i think it would?
The first few days after i got home from NM i excused by lack of proper diet behavior because there is always a let-down after i return from a trip, and always a couple of days of panic eating when i know i am going to restrict myself. (Like i think i am never ever going to have ice cream again) Accepting the inevitability of this behavior actually makes it less intense, so it was not bad.
On the third day i woke thinking today is the day. I was calm and free of compulsion.
But i am not doing it!!!! I wish i understood myself.
Habits are the hardest things to change.
Knowing the habit is bad doesn’t mean we’ve really convinced ourselves that it needs changing.
Have you been reading Christine Kane’s blog? She regularly has stuff about setting intent, and how to work through the bad days, and how to forgive yourself and move on with the intent the next day. It’s generally good stuff.
When you are with someone who is part of the habit, it is hard to change. But when you are alone and accountable to no one, it is also hard. You need to take on a 2 month boarder or something. 🙂
Have you thought of revisiting mechanical turk (or something similar)? Could take it on a job or something .. give your days structure so the hours didn’t just blur together..
Setting some measurable goal is a great idea, with lots of sensible sub-goals in there.
Wouldn’t it be cool to go out to Enchanted Rock to take pictures?
Of course, that requires a good bit of walking in areas that don’t have available seating. And you’d have to carry camera gear. (tripod maybe?)
So, ok, I know walking is a hard thing. Goals start with ‘walk four houses away and back’. then do it twice a day. then farther, then more often.
Eventually you’ll be up to walking around outside for long enough to get somewhere with interesting picture potential.
Funny… i checked for a few days after posting this and when there were no comments, stopped looking.
It is nice when you guys pull for me even wigh my track record.
An update: For about a week now i have been ok… loosely counting Weight watcher points and going for the more nutritional choices. So far i am not freaking out or focusing too much on it, lest i do freak out. I have also been going to the pool regularly for about that same length of time.
I should read the blog, ramona……. i have read enough of it to know i like it.