I am so blasted tired of being this fat. Much as I appreciate being able to do so, I am so tired of scooting around the house in this chair. Maybe a knee replacement surgery would help, but weighing this much, chances are good that it would only make things worse.  Have you looked at how massive my knees and thighs are? No doctor, even a skilled one, would find it easy to work with that much flesh oozing around where he is working. The more a person weighs the harder the surgery is and the more chance that it would be a miserable failure. Also, the less time an artificial joint would last. My insurance would pay for one surgery but they are not going to be so willing to pay for another one if the first one fails or if the joint wears out in 5 years.
I have always been so resistant to people lecturing me or telling me what to do that it can actually make matters worse, but here is what might help. When you see me about to eat something I should not eat, just ask me, “Are you sure you want that?” Don’t tell me not to. Let that be my decision either way. But remind me to think. You could tell me you love me. “Mom, I love you. I don’t want you to do anything bad to yourself. Is that really something you want to eat?” Then if I decide to eat that cookie, let me. It is, ultimately, my decision.
I am getting rid of those chocolate chips. Luke thought that they were dark chocolate and would be ok, but they aren’t dark enough and I keep eating them anyway. I put them away, and get them out again. They aren’t too bad when eaten with more almonds than chips, but, still… It was embarrassing for you to see them there on the desk.
So what am I NOT supposed to be eating?
Anything sweet, particularly if it is sweetened with sugar.
Anything made with wheat flour.
Anything that is pure carb – rice, corn, potatoes, most fruit – unless they are in a mix with a lot of something else. Someday I will try to cut all the carbs, but for now, soup that includes potatoes and corn is still legal. Cornbread made with almond flour instead of wheat flour is still legal. Salad that includes dried cranberries is still legal. Mashed potatoes and gravy, hash browns, polenta, a bag of dried fruit, breakfast cereal, or fried rice are not.
Fat is OK on this diet. Butter or bacon is fine. (Toast is not.)
Beans are still OK, even though they are carby, because they balance the carb with lots of good fiber.
If you aren’t sure, ask me the question. I will tell you if it’s OK.
I need to be reminded that I am doing this for a reason.
Saw a motivational sign the other day. It said, “Don’t give up what you want most for what you want now.” It spoke to me.
Sugar and wheat flour mess with the brain. They are proven to be physically addictive. Sugar, they say, is more addictive than cocaine.
I hate being fat. I hate being a massive blob in this chair. I want to go outside without it being an ordeal. I don’t want to die early. I have so much to love for. I want to see my grandchildren grow up.
(yeah, that’s a typo… love instead of live…..  but I like it)